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[ Sat Nov 28th/ 12:42am ] |
I dont fucking know what the fuck is going on with my life. Fucking hell you can't look me in the eye and tell me i didn't give a crap about our relationship cos fucking hell bitches I did. How many sleepless nights I cried myself to sleep thinking about what could've been and dreaming up ways to make things better but hell no in the end friendship is a two-way street. It takes two hands to clap. Now it seems the world keeps turning but either i'm running backwards or I'm just staying positively still. Possibly i'm running backwards cos when the world keeps spinning and I still seem to find my feet rooted in the same spot it kind of means I'm undoing all the moving the earth is doing. Am I even making any fucking sense? I'm ranting about so many different people I'm getting confused here. But fucking hell. I think facebook is a bad bad thing. All it does it show you how much fun people are having without you. _____ is attending _____ (without you). _____ was tagged in a photo with 3 of your friends (you are not included). This is ______ smiley face and this is ______'s babies (oh but where oh where are you??). _____ says to ______: "I'm seeing you in 2 hours yay love love xoxo dreams candies rainbows butterflies marshmallows can't wait to see you" (oh but what about me?) Moot point: Facebook is an evil invention. Whoever invented it should pour acid on his skin. Sometimes it makes sense to move on and forget about them. But then another part of me can't. Without giving you a part of myself along with it that's grown so attached to you. It is strange how I seem to repel people and yet need them so much. Can't be without people. Come to think of it, even back then, it was always a twosome, and me. Tagging along, trying my bestest not to be left out, and 9 out of 10 times failing miserably. So honestly is it my fault that things are the way they are now? Sometimes I really want to slap you in the face and tell you to FUCKING STOP BLAMING ME. Things dont go screwy and pear-shaped because of what you claim I did. You had a part it in too.
I'm losing/I've lost all my friends. The ones I clung so tightly to. And you all may thing it doesn't hurt but FUCK YEAH it does.
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| What will it take to make or break this hint of love? |
[ Wed Sep 9th/ 1:19pm ] |
Someone just commented on my post about D, haha I have no clue who it is cos it was anonymous and I cannot figure out who calls me clauddie haha! Anyway you know who you are and i dont so tell me!
Anw, it's been a while since I was last here. Another thing: The last time I posted, I was 16 and now I'm smash-fuckingly-ing 17. Come to think of it, my 17th was full of ups and downs. Although it was ten thousand times better than last year. It started off with lunch + Proposal with Shu and Lj whom I havent seen in a very long time, then dinner with the Botanics gang on Saturday, catching up with Em and Chris + Baybeats with Drew Chester Zhiwei Daryl Anthony Shu and Qiao on Sunday and back to SN + dinner with the family on Monday. All in all a very lovely birthday.
5.18 did a surprise thing with a video montage and 17 cupcakes on Friday before Honours Day and it made me cry haha (:
And 8 Things surprised me with a chocolate cake that was yumyum in my tum (;
So again, thanks to all those who made my birthday so awesome haha. Shu, Lijia, Jaslyn, Clar, Qiao, Feli, Jinnie, Kahyan, Mel, Zhiwei, Anthony, Jiafeng, Jecky, Marcus, Mei, Larisa, Grace, Daphne, Alethea, Huiyu, Shereen, Dani, Chester, Ryan, Ian, Fred, Fengyi, DN, Linette, Joel, Sulyn, Tricia, Colin, and of course last but not least, Drew who shipped my birthday present all the way from Britain the land of hot accents. Hehe.
Photo Update:
Gemma and Jiafeng's present to me (; <3
Baybeats with Shu Qiao Jinnie (:
Starbucks Coro with ZW before the Saturday dinner...
And photos from the dinner itself -
Colin's birthday present to me: His voice
Off for studying + Photoshoot for ACFF now (;
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| Jump |
[ Wed Aug 5th/ 9:48am ] |
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D is leaving for Bali tomorrow, I'm catching the 7pm flight on Friday, we are meeting up on Saturday to spend the day lazing around basking in the sun and doing Math Port + IOP. Zhiwei is lending me his Fisheye, I am uber excited. Sigh school is boring. Everything is boring now. Can't wait to get out of this town and go back to my lovely apartment in Bali and sit on the balcony feeling the sea breeze and drinking wine with my parents and having a good time.
Sunday, went for the Flea at St James with Yishu, and it was so dark i couldnt see shit, swear to god there was a group of sketchy blokes doing drugs or smth in a random corner. But other than that it was good. Bought a dress, an awesum top from Topshop for 10 bucks, and badges. One says "uber nerd". Everyone says it is fitting. I do not think that is a compliment.
Monday was National Day Celebration. Got sent to school by my uncle and apparently he was the VIP. Never knew he was such a big shot haha. Celebration was boring, though I had Jecky Danielle and Ale to keep me entertained. Went home after that to take a nap and then commence Part I of the Disney Marathon with D. Beauty and the Beast, Bambi, and the Little Mermaid. It is apparently a very big deal that I have never watched Bambi. It is cute though it has not much of a plot. Now, I want a chipmunk, a gray squirrel, a baby fawn, a baby bunny rabbit and a fluffy yelow duck. Beauty and the Beast and Little Mermaid are still undoubtedly my ultimate favourite Disney movie although many people tend to be inclined to believe that is it High School Musical. JUST BECAUSE I cried at it, does NOT mean I liked it. Although in this case it does. Just the classics are better than Vanessa Hudgens flashing the audience 6 times during her dance.
Yesterday I went with Fengyi and D to KAP to study and eat Shaker Fries which is the food of the gods in all it's msg-loaded, unhealthy, fattening goodness. Rather productive, finished Vectors 2 and a third of Vectors 3 plus my IOP content. Its just needs sprucing up.
Chinese just ended, is it recess now. I should get back to work...
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| Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah |
[ Sun Aug 2nd/ 9:52pm ] |
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"There is a boy who tells me he loves me, holds my hand when a good friend leaves, tells me I am beautiful when I look my worst, sings me songs when the silence is too much, sits with me on the floor to wrap presents, knows I am fragile and broken - so he holds me delicately always. I think I’ve found the boy I’m supposed give my heart to."
-Taken from Gillian's tumbler
I read that and the first thing that came to mind was D. Tonight, something happened that made me appreciate him so much more than I already did. And I was suddenly aware of the things he does that I take for granted. Like being there when I'm down, doing as I tell him to, making an effort to be nicer to his friends and not getting mad when I go through one of my pms-y/angsty/jealous stints of anger. But most of all, for the quiet way he respects my space, and the way he picks up the phone at a party that I'm not attending and gives me his word that he will look after my friends and make sure they get home safely.
Last night, we went for Mishy's birthday at Sentosa and halfway through I had one of the worser bouts of cramps and so we packed up and left. Walking out, he offered to carry me and when I told him no, without a word he slipped an arm around my waist and what do you know, it made a world of a difference. He kept it there for most of the time we were walking around Vivo and on the way home, and at times when it got worse, he'd give me a hug from behind and the warmth of his arms would make it a little bit better. When we got home, we sat around and I almost fell asleep in his arms. He said "You know what? I realised some of the best memories I have of you and me are when you're doing just this. When you're asleep in my arms and nowhere else."
Sometimes I really feel like I'm the luckiest girl alive.
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